Is it just me or does life feel heavy these days? For the past several weeks I have been struggling. Actually, to put it more precisely I have been moody, lacked motivation, easily frustrated, weary, and worried. It reminds me of going out into the ocean to swim. You have to get just past where the waves break so your body can fall into the rhythm of the sea. It’s essentially the best spot in the water because you don’t have to really do any work. You simply just submit to the natural movement of the waves. As I relate that to life, I would consider it to be like the times when you are in rhythm with God. It’s when prayer and reading scripture doesn’t feel like tasks that are hanging over your head. It’s when being in fellowship with other believers doesn’t feel like an obligation that must be met. It’s when serving others feels like a blessing instead of a burden.
Then there is that part of the ocean that you run into when you either head out to the deep or to the shore. It’s that exact spot where the waves are breaking. They are hitting you at just the right height and force to prevent you from getting your footing. You just flounder around. Everything feels like work. Your attitude and perspective shifts to negativity. And it’s when you think if I could just get out of this spot…
That is the spot I feel like I have been living in. I can’t pinpoint when exactly it happened. And there is no quick and immediate movement I can make to get out of it in an instant. Since it happened over a period of time it’s going to take time to completely get out of. I can identify contributing factors. There’s the obvious, which is COVID 19. It certainly came into our lives like a wrecking ball. And we are still wondering when the end will come and what that will even look like. Then there are the ever-present reoccurring stories related to racism and hate. And in a lot of ways, these reminders have forced us to evaluate the state of humanity. Finally, there is my job. That of course comes with its very own highs and lows.
Somewhere along the way, I managed to shift the focus of my priorities. And in doing so I have let the management of my soul become entangled in the events of this world. There is so much chaos going on all around us. The noise of this world is only getting louder. Making it that much easier to get swept up in the attitudes of defensiveness, selfishness, and hopelessness. Any of those things on their own are damaging. Yet, when you combine them, they can become a deadly force.
Since I am naturally stubborn, I tend to have to learn the hard way, even if the lesson is an all too familiar one. It wasn’t until I took a stroll through Books a Million yesterday that I begin to have my aha moment. I went in with the goal of purchasing a Beth Moore book. Per usual I wandered the particular section the book I wanted would be located in to browse the variety of options. And in a matter of minutes a book I had no idea about stood out to me; “Still: 7 Ways to Find Calm in the Chaos.” As I read the description and forward it was as if the Holy Spirit whacked me upside the head to give me the insight I had been too preoccupied to listen to before. The root issue of my struggling; rest. It’s why I have felt like I am drowning ay work. It’s why I have felt slightly disconnected. It’s why I am looking at people and other things as my enemy. Physical rest and spiritual rest are two completely different things. And why I have been spending portions of my time to physically rest I have been leaving out the most crucial part; spiritual rest.
My resistance has been much of my downfall. My resistance to doing what I need to do instead of merely focusing on what I want to do. My resistance to taking time to be quiet in prayer. My resistance to push through the times that it feels like growing pains to read scripture. My resistance has been the barrier to rest.
Matthew 11:28-30 ESV
Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
When I resist the rest God offers it always leads to heaviness. My stubbornness to submit is what places me in shackles. These shackles are what causes me to forget Ephesians 6:12, “for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” It leads me right down the rabbit hole that takes my focus off of the real enemy and instead places it on others. It’s what causes me to become extra judgmental and defensive. It causes me to forget that the victory is already mine as a Christian.
The world we live in is only going to continue to spiral out of control. I have the promise that this suffering is but a blink of the eye when compared to the incompressible reality of eternity. My choice is do I want to spend that time stuck in the shackles of the enemy, or, do I want my soul to be restored while resting in the promises of God. To put it more simply, do I want to be restless or rested? Each option requires a measure of steps on my part. However, only one of them actually comes with a payoff.
I am hopeful that as I read through the book I will experience reminders and revelations. And in turn, I can share them in a future post. My goal is to be more intentional with my time. I must take responsibility when it comes to the pursuit of my faith in Jesus. There’s the notion of knowing better. And then there is the action of doing better.
Psalms 23 NIV
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all of the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Isaiah 26:3 NIV
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
John 16:33 ESV
These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world.
Phillippians 4:6-7 ESV
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
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